I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
