Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
