I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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