sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
