Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
