I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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