Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
