he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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