we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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