youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
