Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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