If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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