I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
