he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
