I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
