Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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