You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
