that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
