so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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