Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
