before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
