dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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