I met the friendliest cop last night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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