literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
