I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
