I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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