the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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