Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
