where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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