fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
