Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
