My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
