He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
