Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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