I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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