I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
