ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
