my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
