laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The beer is more important than you right now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He did a backflip because drugs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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