i would punch a child for taco bell
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
