What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
