my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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