i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
