I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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