first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
