She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
