i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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