I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
