There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
