Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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