i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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