1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
