She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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