I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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