i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
