did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
